By Isaac Newton
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Extra resources for College Notebook
The point is that they are incredibly difficult to answer off the cuff, and open you to unnecessary internal debate and judgment from others. They usually appear very innocent. " That’s a pretty innocuous question on its face, but it is an absolute question. It puts people on the spot and usually leads them to answer with, "Oh, I'm not sure, let me think about that," then never finish their thought. I'm not sure. " The problem here is that you're asking for an absolute answer. When you do that, you give the other person no wiggle room and, worse, you’ve given them the difficult task of coming up with a definitive answer to your question.
Play a word association game with yourself. What does "cats" make you think of? We're just talking about purely intellectual connections. It doesn't matter what you feel, what your emotions are. It doesn't matter what your experiences were, whether you were traumatized or not. It has nothing to do with that. This is just a purely intellectual challenge to try to rapidly fill out a list of what "cats" as a concept can be tied to. For most people, when the word "cats" is mentioned, they think of kittens, cuddles, sand boxes, cheetahs, lions, fish, sushi, fur, dogs, allergies, the musical, etc.
Make your "boundary statement" right at the beginning of the interaction. This establishes a restriction on their commitment. They know coming in that talking with you will not drag on for hours. For whatever reason, people just aren't open sometimes because they have concerns about how much of a burden a conversation will be. Whatever the case, it’s never your fault if people feel better about having a boundary. Maybe they’ve been sucked into long, drawn out conversations in their work setting that was fatal to their productivity.
College Notebook by Isaac Newton