By Richard A. Isay
"What's love bought to do with it? every little thing, based on Richard Isay's expert and illuminating examine the position of romance in sleek homosexual existence. I hugely suggest this booklet for individuals of any iteration and partnership status."
--Dean H. Hamer, Ph.D., writer of The technological know-how of hope and The God Gene
"Richard Isay deals anything much better than easy bromides and fake desire. during this publication, he demanding situations us with a provocative, illuminating, and finally hopeful examine ourselves and explains how these people who yearn to like and be enjoyed (and who doesn't?) can most sensible locate happiness and therapeutic in a devoted relationship."
--Eric Marcus, writer of The Male Couple's advisor and jointly Forever
"Many homosexual males (and others, too) tend to locate this ebook really attention-grabbing and priceless. In a sequence of vividly illuminating case histories and with a psychoanalyst's intensity and readability of perception, Richard Isay lucidly explains why homosexual males have specific hassle in setting up and maintaining loving relationships and the way they could sensibly increase their probabilities of doing so."
--Harry G. Frankfurt, Ph.D., writer of On Bullshit and the explanations of Love
"Richard Isay's portrayals of homosexual men's lives usually are arguable. Isay isn't the stereotypical psychoanalyst who sits quietly whereas his sufferers ramble--and we're all of the larger for that. He has whatever to assert and what he says is worthy listening to. This provocative publication might be learn via an individual who yearns for yet hasn't but came upon genuine love."
--William Rubenstein, Founding Director of the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation legislations and previous Director of the ACLU Lesbian & homosexual Rights Project
"Based on Dr. Isay's 3 many years of expertise operating with homosexual males in remedy, this can be a deeply considerate learn of the problems homosexual males could adventure with falling and staying in love. For a homosexual guy, analyzing this ebook can cause him to revisit a few darkish areas alongside his personal life's trip, however it also will provide him a glimpse of the self-affirmation and means for swap which are the pursuits of gay-positive psychotherapy."
--Simon LeVay, Ph.D., writer of Human Sexuality and Queer Science
"Indispensable insights from America's wisest observer of homosexual relationships."
--Charles Kaiser, writer of The homosexual Metropolis
"Gay humans search the liberty to marry for a similar mixture of purposes as non-gay humans, and for many, love and dedication are vital. Drawing on his unparalleled services and a long time of reports from his sufferers, Richard Isay explores the demanding situations and price of romantic love--how to beat our pasts and enhance our current lives at home--as we construct a way forward for higher equality and inclusion in society."
--Evan Wolfson, writer of Why Marriage issues
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Extra info for Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love
All I see is guys hurting each other and themselves. . And how to say all this to anyone, when no one is listening, no one wants to hear? qxd 3/9/06 10:58 AM Page 37 I ﬁrst met Ben when he was thirty-two. He sought therapy because he and Aaron, his partner of ﬁve years, had not had sex for the previous three years. Initially, he had been attracted to Aaron, and sex had been exciting, passionate, and frequent, but when they began to live together after dating for about a year, sex became less frequent and much less exciting.
Although not all gay men have these traits as children, most recall having had at least some of them. The typical homosexual boy is considered a sissy in childhood and early adolescence, even though many of his feminine characteristics vanish during adolescence because of biological inﬂuences and his determination to conform to peer and social expectations of maleness. qxd 3/9/06 10:56 AM Page 25 why is it difficult to need love? 25 or change his feminine behavior. His parents are biased by cultural standards of maleness and are usually motivated to get their boy to “stop acting like a girl” because they fear that he will be ostracized by other boys at school and by their concern that his atypicality will reﬂect poorly on their parenting.
They also worry about their mortality and future illness. It is in their forties that most gay men grow to understand that only a lasting loving relationship with another man will provide them with a sense of selfworth and ultimate happiness. qxd 3/9/06 34 10:56 AM Page 34 commitment and healing heterosexual marriage, work, increasing self-absorption, a preoccupation with their looks, the creation of a beautiful and comforting environment that they inhabit alone, or the excessive use of alcohol and recreational drugs.
Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love by Richard A. Isay